The FRAGO before Christmas - Jeff Stone HHC 4-101

Christmas 2005 - 4th Battalion, 101st Aviation Regiment, LSA Anaconda, Balad, Iraq

Comments in blue by MAJ Thomas Smedley, Wings 05 Battalion XO)

(The FRAGO is a fragmentary order- we issue one a day to keep the units informed and task them with what needs done)

Twas the night before Christmas

And all through Iraq

The Battalion Was Flying

The VIP Pack (we fly more generals than we ever thought were in the Army)

The stockings were hung by the Proxima (this is our computer projector that shines the slides up on the screen) with care

Knowing the AMRs (Air Mission Request) soon will be there

The BC in the cockpit

The XO in the rack

The smokers all huddled

‘round the burn barrel out back

I peered into A Co to see what would hatch

But peered only the midget mud wrestling match

Bravo Kingsmen were pondering a problem anew

About where next to scrawl MSDQ (Mike Stull Don’t Quit- a takeoff from the Nightstalkers)

Chuck Co as always was planning their flight

Second star in the morning…straight on till night

They were entertaining their new PI who was stopping by

MAJ Smedley comes in three times a day, asking to fly.

FSC is now working hand in hand

Now that PV2 Kitchens has taken command

Delta was enjoying their night under the Iraqi skies

Trying to sew a combat patch on the Goodrich Guys

I spied CPT Stull making a choice

While performing his famous Chris Walken Voice (CPT Stull has been impersonating Christopher Walken a lot lately)

“Should I say ‘Bread’ as I take off from Griffin Pad

Or has the phrase worn out, should I start a new fad”

I nestled down for a nap in a KBR stall

Who is this guy Suttles scribbled on the wall (Suttles was a guy from 1-89 MTNG, they started writing and “tagging” his name all over the country- kind of a Kilroy thing)

Is this man the Killroy of OIF Four

Or a disgruntled Carpenter from the unit before

The S2 gave a threat brief early in the night

About some kids throwing rocks at the victor mission flight (the missions are labeled by letter V for Victor)

The First Sergeants all posted with their head lamps on

Heard of some troops not wearing reflective belts to the John (we have to wear our reflective belts after dark- we hate it)

They stood in a circle and forcefully beat their chest

About how they even keep their kids at parade rest

They heard of a sighting of Sasquatch in camp

But relieved when they heard it was just Yetti Smith on Delta Ramp

Top Stephens stood chagrin with a dip in his mouth

Grumbling about leaving Donkey and Fiona down South (1SG Stephens has been constantly compared to Shrek the Ogre since the deployment started)

As I approached the First Sergeants I could not believe my ears

They were belting out some Motown From their college years

They call themselves the Five Tops and they took requests

But admitted their songs turned into cadence…Its what they know best.

I told Top Salinas He looks like someone I knew

“Maybe in a previous life I might have met you”

Top Salinas replied without missing a blink

“I look like Pedro Sanchez….Who do you think?”

CSM looked like a giant as he passed before me

Even though he is so old his Social Security Number is Three

Now Santa was nearby

His Sleigh Charged by the HUMMS Guy (we have to sign out or “charge” the aircraft from the Goodrich computer before we fly)

He was taking some tracer rounds out his right door

Rudolph the Crew Chief dropped to the floor

While Prancer took the 240 (our machine gun on the crew chief doors) and shot into the night

But the view of the target was obscured by a kite

The Spotlights turned on and followed his Sleigh

Like a Hollywood entrance they pointed the way

As they saw their target in the big desert sky

The people were dumbfounded, since camels can’t fly.

With the pull of the pitch and Rudolph back standing

Santa pushed tower at Balad, He was inbound for landing

He set out to deliver gifts to the troops of H1 (H1 is the name of our housing area)

Only to realize the fun had just begun

There were no chimneys for him to slide down

There were no Christmas lights to illuminate the town

He soon realized a thousand years of cookies had taken their toll

As he entered their rooms through the AFN/Internet Hole (the hole you drill in the floor of your trailer to get TV or internet)

He saw scores of Hawks asleep in their rooms

Comancheros and Blackwidows wherever he looms

The nighthawks of the Desperados were on the flight line tonight

So he slid the gifts under their beds without much of a fight

The Renegades and the Kingsmen were planning their mission

Although this Christmas morning they would rather be fishin’

The Hooves were in the DFAC serving the midnight meal

Mandarin Stir Fry with lobster with their attempt at veal

He snuck into the mess hall before going back to his sled

The cookies were taken so he settled for Baskin Robins instead

As he worked his way to the sled he saw Lieutenant Colonel Fish

Since he saw him about he gave him one wish

All the BC wanted was from our God Above

To return us all safely home at End of Mission to the ones that we love

Santa had one thing to ask before he returns

Anyone have any questions, comments, bitches, gripes, complaints, concerns? (LTC Fish final question to the commanders, 1SGs, and staff before he closes our thrice a week meeting)

Santa glanced over his shoulder as he jet into the night

Muy Bueno Christmas to All, and to All a Wings Night

(LTC Fish’s trademark saying is Muy Bueno)